The secret to having it all

It’s a bold statement, and it’s true.

But having it all isn’t about having all the “stuff”—the fancy car, the executive job, the holiday property.

Having it all is about what we think all that stuff will give us: things like happiness, peace, contentment, confidence.

What we think we want

Here’s what I mean. Let’s suspend reality and imagine for a moment that we all want society’s version of having it all:

Being a super mom: volunteering at the kids’ school and events, baking from scratch for bake sales, chauffeuring to extra-curricular activities.
Owning a great house, car, and manicured property. Perhaps even a holiday or investment property.
Having an executive-level or executive-track career and matching income.
Being an amazing lover, friend, and confidant to our spouses.

It turns out that we don’t really want those things. We want what we think those things will give us. It’s an important distinction.

We don’t want the fancy car, executive job, or holiday property. We want what we think all that stuff will give us.

Here are the above things again, but this time I’ve included some pretty typical answers of what we really want:

Here are some questions you can ask yourself. I invite you to spend 10–20 minutes writing out your answers.

What stuff am I striving for right now?
What is it that I want that stuff to give me?
What’s even deeper and more important that those things from question 2 will give me?
What are some ways that I can find those things from questions 3 in my life right now?
What actions can I take to approach life from a place where I already have those things?

Then pick an action and do it today. You’ll be on your way to feeling like you truly do have it all.